Jessie

As I sit here with my morning cup of coffee I feel tiny fingers sliding across my stomach. It’s the most comforting feeling I’ve ever known. I know what it feels like to surrender myself completely to someone I’ve never met, and that alone makes this journey worth it. I am never alone. It is now fifteen weeks and six days till my due date. This gets me excited. We have mostly all we need for her, and it feels good. I want her here so badly it hurts. When my husband and I drive around, looking at houses we can’t afford, in hoods so upscale… It makes me heart warm that my husband finishes his sentences with, “one day when we are older, when our daughter is bigger.” We have these hopes you know, the ones filled with camping, laughing, beach trips and bliss. I hope we deliver that for her. I really do. My husband and I have made it through the toughest of struggles. Affairs, being apart for months at a time, family issues, growing apart and finding our way back, abortion, conceiving another child… We are together after it all still dedicated to making it work. People told me to let it go, and move on. I couldn’t because I know we are meant to be together. We were meant to have a daughter. This tiny human in me was supposed to be mine. Every cell of her, the DNA… This exact child is who I have been waiting for. All the years, tears, heartache, disappointment, of broken promises… Have been worth it. We always said we wanted to have a child, live together and grow old together. That’s what we are doing. No matter what, we have each other.

Today marks 17 weeks. Today is a big day for us baby. Everyone finally knows about you. I have been dreading telling my bosses about you for quite some time now. I’m getting bigger around my belly and it’s becoming more obvious. On the way to work I decided to tell Lukes dad. I figured if I just blurt it out, there would be no going back. I told him and he was thrilled. He says they had a suspicion because of a few things I posted on my Pinterest page. It was easier for me to tell the dad vs the mom. He told me he would tell her before she came home. It feels great to hear that they are supportive and that I can work up until I don’t feel like working anymore. They are 100% supportive of you little one! Audrey has been poking my belly and giving you whispers. It’s quite cute. I’ve felt you kick a few times this morning, and it makes me over the moon! Love you so so much.